My cousin passed away by suicide in March. After his funeral i was given pictures of him and i framed my favorite one and put it on my dresser. I see it everyday and its still so hard to believe that it’s there just as a memory and he’s really not here anymore.
Jovan
Today i found out my cousin Jovan passed away. This is such a weird feeling, i’ve never had anyone i was close to in my family pass away. Like people in my family have passed away but they were people who knew me as a baby and i never got to know them or distant relatives. All the cliches people say are really true like i always thought it was weird when people would say thing like “we”re happy ___ is in a better place” but i genuinely feel that. I’m sad that my cousin is gone and i’ll never get to hangout with him again but i’m happy he’s not here and suffering. His death was extremely tragic and i’m so sorry it happened the way it did but it’s like better now that its over if that makes sense. Dude had a hard life and i hadn’t seen in years but after today i found out a lot of stuff like that he was homeless and it just hurt my heart. Like i wish my brothers and sisters and i were closer with him (and his brother) and that side of our family like we were when we were little. We could have helped each other out. it’s just so cray to me how everything happened and when i first heard the news i immediately though of my brother cause they were so much alike and close in age and going through/had been through a lot of the same things. We had a lot of fun when we were younger, i grew up around all boys and that made me really shy cause being around lots of rambunctious boys i was always over shadowed but they always stuck up for me. Especially Jovan. He would always tell me when i grew up not to let boys treat me badly and i remember one of the most recent times i saw him he picked me up from my house to go to my Nana’s bday party. I was going through shit with family at the time and i remember we sat in his car and he just let me vent and cry and cry and cry. I wish we could have had more time together especially now that i’m older. I love you J, thank you for all the music you introduced me to, thank you for all the times you stuck up for quiet lil me, thank you for being another brother, thank you for being you. Till this day you were always your own person. Big smile, kind heart, loveable, talented, handsome, and you lived by your own rules and you were not gonna let anybody stop you. I’ll carry you and all our memories in my heart forever. Jovan Apache Arce <3
